** IN OTHER NEWS **
With Mother Nature otherwise occupied and Old Man Winter on vacation, General Deep Freeze has taken up an offensive position in Southern Ontario and continues to bombard residents with wind, cold air, and a belligerent attitude. The General has been barking orders continually, forcing the temperature to fall throughout the afternoon and early evening.
Rumour has it the General’s forces plan to lay siege to the area well into next week, with several barrages of cold air and blowing snow.
A source close to Deep Freeze, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, tell this reporter that local residents should hunker down, bundle up or just plain hide out in their jammies during these dark days. The General isn’t going anywhere any time soon.