** BREAKING NEWS **
While residents of Southern Ontario continue to suffer under the yoke of below seasonal temperatures, rumours are swirling that Mother Nature has been neglecting her duties and is stepping out nightly, with a much younger, well-heeled Lothario. She has been seen sipping champagne and dancing into the wee hours of the morning in fancy dress establishments frequented by the rich and famous.
Sources whispered sordid tales involving Old Man Winter, a long denied southern vacation and tall, cool drinks poolside.
Meanwhile, our dark-haired, mystery man continues to woo Mother Nature while ruling this winter season with an iron fist.
This reporter hopes that, for everyone’s sake, Mother Nature will soon come to her senses and ditch her virile boy toy, who, quite obviously, does not have her best interests at heart.