In a surprise late night ruling by Provincial Court Judge I. T. Doan BeWinter, Mr Jet Stream, of no fixed western address, was issued with a cease and desist order in relation to current cold weather behaviour in Southern Ontario. Ms. Doan BeWinter remarked in her ruling that the cold air masses were unusually cruel and entirely capricious in nature. Residents in nearby, outlying areas of the province are having difficulty finding stored, cold weather apparel which forces them to go shopping when they could otherwise be spending time studying ‘eye candy’ at local beaches.
Mr Stream is considered a flight risk but has yet to be picked up by local authorities.
Today, our Fairy Princess ventured into a local PartSource store looking for something very specific. On the drive to the store she practiced asking for exactly what she needed. Now, to most folks this might not seem extraordinary, but to our Fairy Princess, who sometimes loses words when she really needs them, it was a big deal.
Upon arrival, she recited the words one more time and bravely entered the store. He-man rock was blaring on the radio, and men who knew exactly what they wanted and knew the names of those items were conversing with employees. It was scary.
When it was her turn, our Fairy Princess blathered what she was looking for and why. Plus she added what she had already attempted to fix the problem. To his credit, the nice man at the counter didn’t laugh and paid attention to all the extra details. Sadly, he didn’t have what she needed. BUT, Kenny the wrecker probably did AND his prices are better than others.
– We didn’t find Kenny.
– We still don’t know how much this part is going to cost.
– The nice PartSource man called us ‘hun’ but because he was nice, he’s off the hook.
– And the best part – Fairy Princess didn’t say ‘thingy’ even one time.
A loud and, at times, violent brawl sent feathers flying and tempers soaring as two male sparrows fought for dominance at Hamilton’s Bus Terminal early this morning. Wings were raised over what witnesses say was a small twig and a piece of fluff. Gasps came from bystanders as the sparrows fought “Hollywood” style, tumbling down an embankment and into the road. Police were called when Johnny “The Spud” Sparini pulled out a gun and threatened to put “a cap” into Tony “Tweet Face” McGuire’s downy head.
More to come as details become available…
In Other News …
Contract talks broke down today between our Fairy Princess and the tooth known only as 16. The situation had been tense for days, 16 caused dissent among neighbouring teeth, with 17 complaining loudest. Several attempts had been made to accommodate 16’s demands, sadly without success. Shortly after talks broke down 16 was forcibly extracted from the premises. At this time, the situation is calm but authorities believe there could be flare ups throughout the day.